I Can't Make You Love Me

One of my favorite sad songs is "I Can't Make You Love Me" performed by Bonnie Raitt. The lyrics, "I can’t make you love me if you don’t. You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t," resonate deeply with me. Over the past three years, these words have become a powerful reminder of the realities I've faced in my own life.

Three years ago, Dave and I were doing everything we could to keep our marriage together. We had just gotten back from a trip to Maui—a last-ditch effort to save our family. But despite our efforts, nothing seemed to work.

The turning point came when I confessed to Dave that I was struggling with my faith and wasn't sure I believed in the church's teachings anymore. His response, "I don’t think I can love you if you don’t believe," cut me deeply. At the time, I felt insulted and abandoned. How could someone choose a religion over their spouse? But now, I understand. For him, the church and its teachings were paramount, even more important than our relationship. His fear of losing salvation, based on being sealed to a faithful companion, made it impossible for him to stay with someone who no longer shared those beliefs.

I tried everything to bridge the gap—couples therapy, adhering to his rules, and continually compromising my own needs. But, as the song says, "You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t." We both tried, but it was never enough.

**Moving Forward with an Open Heart**

As I move forward, I am committed to approaching love differently. Here are some lessons I've learned and advice for opening your heart fully to love:

1. **Shared Values Beyond Religion:** Next time, I will prioritize having common values and interests beyond religion. A relationship thrives on shared experiences and beliefs that go beyond just one aspect of life.

2. **Prioritize Self-Care:** It's crucial to make time for yourself and allow your partner to do the same. A healthy relationship involves both individuals maintaining their own identities and interests.

3. **Fill Each Other's Emotional Cups:** Love is an ongoing choice. I will strive to keep our emotional connection alive by making sure we both feel valued and appreciated. If we can't meet each other's needs, it's important to find other healthy ways to feel fulfilled.

4. **Communicate Openly and Honestly:** I will be open about my desires, needs, and boundaries. There is nothing wrong with expressing what you want in a relationship. I've learned that silence and concession only lead to resentment and dissatisfaction.

5. **Use Your Voice:** After years of not speaking up, I now understand the importance of using my voice. I will assert my needs and desires, knowing that a healthy relationship requires both partners to be heard and respected.

This journey has taught me that true love requires more than just trying to fit into someone else's expectations. It's about finding someone who values and loves you for who you are, and being brave enough to demand the same in return.

As I continue to grow and heal, I remain hopeful and open to the possibility of love. I know that when my perfect partner comes into my life, I'll be ready to build a relationship based on mutual respect, understanding, and open communication.

To anyone reading this, know that it's okay to want more and to speak up for yourself. You deserve to be loved fully and completely for who you are. And if you're struggling, remember—I'm here, I see you, and I support you on your journey. ✌️🏝❤️