From Flexible to Firm

"Flexible and gracious" used to be my motto. I even made a post about living in a flexible and gracious way. I truly thought this mindset was ideal and the perfect way to live. But over the last six months, it has hit me: “Kandis, you don’t always have to be so flexible and gracious.”

When I was living with this mentality, I would accept others' changes to "our" plans with grace and flexibility so much that I began to be taken advantage of. “Oh, Kandis will understand” or “She won’t mind.” When, in fact, I did mind. I was settling for breadcrumbs when I didn’t need to. If I had just been kind and offered a compromise or simply said, “That doesn’t work for me” or “I made time in my schedule for you as well,” I know it would have gotten me further in relationships and friendships.

But instead, my goal to always be amenable put me in a place of settling for less than I deserved, appearing to be unfazed by it, and slapping a smile on my face. Over the last six months, I've learned there is a balance to being flexible and gracious while also being firm and kind. I deserve more than breadcrumbs, and so do you.

1. **Recognize Your Worth**:

- It's easy to fall into the trap of being overly flexible to please others, but it’s crucial to recognize your own worth. By valuing yourself and setting boundaries, you ensure that you’re not settling for less than you deserve.

- Example: If someone constantly changes plans last minute, it’s okay to say, “That doesn’t work for me.” Standing up for your time and commitments shows self-respect.

2. **Communicate Clearly**:

- Clear communication is key to maintaining healthy relationships. Expressing your feelings and needs respectfully can prevent misunderstandings and resentment.

- Example: Instead of silently accepting changes, try saying, “I made time in my schedule for this, and it’s disappointing that plans are changing again.” This lets others know that your time is valuable too.

3. **Balance Flexibility with Firmness**:

- While it’s important to be flexible at times, it’s equally important to be firm about your needs and boundaries. This balance helps you maintain self-respect while also respecting others.

- Example: Being flexible doesn’t mean you have to agree to everything. It’s okay to compromise but also to stand your ground when necessary.

4. **Avoid Settling for Breadcrumbs**:

- Settling for the bare minimum can lead to feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction. Strive for relationships and situations where your needs and contributions are valued.

- Example: If you feel you’re always getting the short end of the stick, it’s time to reassess and possibly redefine the terms of your interactions.

5. **Cultivate Self-Confidence**:

- Believing in your own worth and standing up for yourself can significantly boost your self-confidence. This empowers you to live a more fulfilling and authentic life.

- Example: Practice self-affirmations and remind yourself daily of your worth. This mental shift can make a huge difference in how you approach relationships and life situations.

Standing in the power of knowing we deserve more than bending at someone’s whim because they get to decide how things look for them at the cost of what works for us is strength. It’s not high maintenance, bitchy, or rude to say, “That doesn’t work for me” or “I’m disappointed you are changing plans again” when others offer us the bare minimum or even less than that.

Being a person of value means knowing you’re worth more than the trail of breadcrumbs given. Stand in your power, with your voice, and the courage and strength to be brave in your life. This will give you the confidence to honor your truth too. I know this because I am living this.

I see you, I love you. #joy ✌️🏝❤️