The Worst Chapter

I have always loved stories.

Since I was a teenager, I have scribbled in journals, spun fiction in my mind, and dreamed up storylines full of twists, turns, heartbreaks, and redemptions. In the quiet moments of my life, I’ve taken real experiences and turned them into something more—stories of resilience, love, and the deep, aching beauty of being human.

But I never imagined my life would actually play out like one of those stories.

I never thought I’d find myself living a chapter so painful, so gut-wrenching, that I would hesitate before putting it into words. And yet, here I am. Writing it. Living it. Finding my way through the worst chapter I’ve ever known.

And somehow, even in the heartbreak, I can see the beauty woven into it.

So here’s the cliff-notes version—the parts I can bear to share.

The First Goodbye

It began in the early spring when a relationship I had cherished shifted. It was an open, long-distance love, unconventional but deeply meaningful. He was someone who taught me, someone who grew with me. Our connection was undeniable—soul mates, or as I prefer to call it, soul matches.

When his primary relationship ended, we leaned into each other. We tried to make us work. But the truth was, I was never meant to be his primary partner. I was a beautiful chapter in his story, just as he was in mine. I had shown him new ways to be happy, helped him step into a new version of himself. But in the end, I was a reminder of a past he needed to leave behind.

So, he left me behind too.

The grief of losing him was quiet, unseen. No one knew his name, no one knew the depth of what we had, because our relationship had been private by design. And so, in the depths of my heartache, I mourned in silence. I wanted to reach out, to ask how he was, to know if he was happy. But all I could do was place my hand over my heart, tip my hat to the universe, and whisper a goodbye that shattered me.

The Next Love

And then, I healed. Slowly, intentionally. I started dating again, not in a rush, but with purpose. I was thriving. I was working hard, traveling, watching my daughters conquer life’s challenges with courage and grace. I was happy.

And then Jason walked in.

I wasn’t ready. But God, I liked him.

Everything about him captivated me—his energy, his ambition, the way he made me feel like I was standing in the middle of something real. We wanted the same things. And more than anything, we wanted each other.

We traveled. We laughed. We planned. He asked me to be his girlfriend with a diamond ring, and for the first time in a long time, I let myself believe in something that felt like forever. I found another soul match.

And then, in an instant, my entire world fell apart.

The Moment That Changed Everything

Ava.

A traumatic brain injury. Emergency surgery. Words I could barely comprehend being spoken to me. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t stand. I paced the hospital hallway, my body betraying me, my mind unable to catch up with the reality unfolding around me.

And then I felt Jason behind me.

I collapsed against the wall, unable to hold my own weight, and I asked him—"Do you believe in God?"

He whispered, "Yes."

"Will you pray for Ava?"

And he did. Holding my hand, he prayed with his whole heart, begging God to save her life. When he finished, I looked at him and said, "I don’t know what I believe."

And without hesitation, he answered, "You believe in your daughter."

That moment is burned into me forever.

The Second Goodbye

Jason stayed. He spent night after night at the hospital, holding space for me in ways I couldn’t even hold for myself. But the weight of it all—the trauma, the stress, the exhaustion—was relentless. Our love had no time to breathe, no room to grow.

We fought. We struggled. And then, on the day before Ava was finally coming home, I overheard something—something not meant for my ears.

And just like that, the foundation cracked.

I wanted to fight for us, but there were too many wounds, too many battles we hadn’t had the chance to heal. And I had a daughter who needed me more than anything else. So, I packed up everything I had moved into his home, carried it all back to my own, and stood in the wreckage of another love lost.

Empty. Unlovable.

That’s how it felt.

Finding My Way Through

But even as I fell apart, I had no choice but to keep going.

Ava needed me. My business—the one I built from scratch, the one that is my only source of income—had to be put on hold. My life as I knew it had to be paused while I stepped fully into the role of caretaker, protector, mother.

And somehow, through the chaos, through the brokenness, I have kept standing. Maybe not gracefully. Maybe not without moments where my knees buckled and I sobbed into the quiet of the night. But still, I have not fallen.

Because this? This is just a chapter.

And the thing about stories is—they keep going.

The Love That Remains

The two greatest loves I lost in 2024 are two of my favorite humans on this planet. And even though this chapter has broken me in ways I never saw coming, I wouldn’t erase a single word of it.

Because woven into the pain are moments of breathtaking beauty.

Moments where love showed up, even when it wasn’t forever. Moments where I saw the depth of my own strength. Moments where joy found its way through the cracks of my broken heart.

So here’s to the worst chapter, that holds my favorite memories of my life.

To the love that still lingers in the spaces between heartbeats. To the lessons, the grief, the laughter that somehow existed in the same breath.

And to the story that is still unfolding.

Because I know, deep in my soul, that this chapter—no matter how painful—will lead me to the best one yet.